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Seen on a restroom wall: "God is dead: Nietzsche. Nietzsche is dead: God." 

Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.

Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."
Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"
Doctor: "Nine."

- An American guy called the firefighters: "Hey, listen man so if there's no fire we don't get a chance to see you guys!"

Q: What's the difference between Americans and yogurt?
A: If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years, it'll grow a culture.

Two snowmen are standing in a meadow. One snowman turns to the other and says, "Do you smell carrots?"